Copyright 2001 --- Robert Baer Jr. Otto & Sam -- "Love Potion Number Zero" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Otto, Tungstun, Molly Maddog, Princess, Samantha Maddog, Otto Jr, Emily, Ameilia, Daisy, Felicia, Katrina and the Gila Monster are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-1999. Cobber is a creation of Mike Browner. Catman is a creation of John Butler. Dotty is a creation of Dotty. Emaryldwyn is a creation of Sarah Sarloos, Toil and Foxy are creations of Charity Gifford. Claire and Fawn are creations of Kali Simpson. Eve is a creation of Kali Jacobs. Divinia Gere is a creation of Xarai, Striker is a creation of Gernade Naude. Duke is a creation of Duke McAllen. Jack McCain is a creation of Night. Jolt and Roughhouse are creations of Chris Chestnutt. Wolve is a creation of rrWolve. Otto & Sam -- "Love Potion Number Zero" The scene is at Road Rover Mission Control where Felicia and Katrina are being lead down a corridor by Hunter. HUNTER (points): Now, there's the entrance to Professor Hubert's lab! The Master wants you to clean it from top to bottom, from the floor to the ceiling, is that clear? FELICIA (nods): Yes sir, Hunter... KATRINA (upset): Why are we being punished like this? FELICIA (smiles): Yeah, that Catnip casserole we served you guys wasn't THAT bad! KATRINA (nods): I liked it a lot! HUNTER (upset): Well, none of us dogs liked it at all! In fact, half of the poor fools that ate it are still in the medical ward having their stomachs pumped! THAT's why you two are on extra work detail, got it? KATRINA (nods): Yes sir, Hunter.. HUNTER (opens door with key): Ok, I'll be back to check on you two in one hour, and NO LOAFING! Hunter walks away as Felicia and Katrina look all around Hubert's very messy lab. FELICIA (sarcastically): Does this guy EVER clean up after himself? KATRINA (points): Apparently not! Did that pile of clothes in the corner just suddenly.... move? FELICIA (shakes head): I don't know, but I sure don't like it.... It'll take days to make this pig-stiy look neater. KATRINA (evil grin): Or... a few SECONDS! FELICIA (nods): Gotcha sis! Katrina and Felicia wave their arms and suddenly, the entire lab is spotless, well organized and clean. FELICIA (laughs): Hunter didn't say we couldn't use magic, right? KATRNA (nods): True, but we have to make it look like we really worked hard! Felicia and Katrina wave their arms and are now dressed in 'maid' outfits, with a broom in one hand and a mop in the other. KATRINA (smiles): Well, the brooms might be overdoing it a bit... FELICIA (smiles): Let's find a closet to put them in Katrina walks over to a large door and opens it. It's not a broom closet, but it has many rows of shelves with test tube racks on them. She looks closely at one of the sealed test tubes and is quietly sneaking it into her pocket when Felicia walks up behind her. FELICIA (smiles): Is that a broom closet? KATRINA (surprised, fumbles with test tube): Er... no, no! FELICIA (points): What's that in your hand? KATRINA (sheepish grin): Er... what do you mean? FELICIA (upset): HEY!! That's a test tube! (grabs it from her): Let me see that! KATRINA (hisses): HEY!!! It's mine! FELICIA (reads label): Daisy's love potion.... (shocked): YOU WERE GOING TO USE THIS ON CATMAN, WASN'T YOU? KATRINA (grabs it back): NO! Of course not.... er.... I was .... going to ... try some... FELICIA (upset): Sure sure! Give me that! KATRINA (angry): Hands off! I saw it first! The two grab for the test tube, it's slippery, so the sudden 'squeezing' causing the tube to 'shoot' straight up into the air and into the overhead ventilation system. The two cat sisters are terrorified when they hear the test tube break and several glass slivers fall down from the vent. FELICIA & KATRINA (pointing at each other): It's YOUR fault! FELICIA (panics): Oh my! What are we going to do? KATRINA (brightens): I have it! (motions with one hand): We'll replace the busted test tube with THIS one I just made, clean up the mess, and no one will know the difference! FELICIA (doubting): Are you sure about this, sis? KATRINA (nods): Sure! Besides, it's just ONE test tube, not like anyone's going to miss it, right? FELICIA (nods): Ok, let's hurry up before anyone comes back The scene switches to the lounge where Princess, the Gila Monster, Star and Cobber are shooting a game of pool. COBBER (lining up shot); Ok, ladies and gentle.. er.. reptile, take a gander at this shot! The cue will carem off the six, strike the four and land the eight ball into the side pocket! STAR (giggles); This I gotta see! PRINCESS (nods); Me too! GILA MONSTER (shakes head): No way! There ain't no way in this world you're gonna make that shot! COBBER (determined): Watch me! As Cobber begins to shoot, Eve walks in. EVE (shouts): HI GUYS!! Cobber shoots, but the cue ball flies off the table and into the mouth of the yawning Gila Monster. PRINCESS (turns to Eve): Hi Eve! COBBER (shocked): Cripes! Gila, you ate the cue ball! GILA MONSTER (chews): Tastes aweful! STAR (laughs): There goes the game! PRINCESS (angry): Gila! How many times have I told you not to.... (huge smile, bursts into song): Don't sit under the apple tree, with anybody else but me! Anybody else but me... anybody else but me! Soon, Katrina and Felicia rush over to Princess's side and sing in unison. KATRINA, FELICIA & PRINCESS (singing): Don't sit under the apple tree, with anybody else but me! STAR (shocked): Whoa! That's good harmony! KATRINA (looks around): Something's wrong here... COBBER (nods): You can say that again! FELICIA (smiles): Time to be dressed right for the concert! Felicia waves her arms and now she, Katrina and Princess are dressed in identitical forty's style blue dresses. All three rush off, still singing together. EVE (watching them leave): I wonder what got into them? STAR (laughs): I think it's funny! COBBER (giggles): Y'know, that kinda reminds me of that time I was with the Space Rovers! Daisy accidently let loose of some of that formula she was makin' as a love potion and it caused nearly all of us to go bonkers! GILA MONSTER (shocked): You is kiddin' us, ain't ya? COBBER (shakes head): Nope! I remember it caused all of us bloaks to do some crazy things like... (face suddenly changes, points): It's THEM again! They're here! STAR (confused): What's here? EVE (confused): Where? COBBER (points, shouts): The pineapples! They're back! I've got to catch them! Cobber makes a diving grab at one of 'them'. He then grabs a small trashbag and begins to 'swing it around' in the air. COBBER (shouts): Hold still you little devils! I'll catch you all yet! As Cobber runs out into the hallway, Eve, Star and the Gila Monster look at each other. EVE (stunned): I don't know what's going on, but I think we better find the Master quick! STAR (nods): I'm with you, Eve! GILA MONSTER (shouts): Hey! Don't leave me here alone! As the Gila Monster rushes out he is suddenly pinned to a wall by two arrows that pierce through the sleeves of his leather jacket. He looks up to the catwalk and sees Toil, Foxy and Tungstun all dressed up in Robin Hood costumes. TOIL (points, shouts): Beware, strange looking nave, it is I, Robin Hood, the scourge of Sherwood Forest! FOXY (smiles): And I, Maid Maiden! (looks at Tungstun): Go Little John, fetch his money purse! GILA MONSTER (confused): Purse? HEY! I ain't no lady! TUNGSTUN (jumps down in front of him): Hand over your gold! GILA MONSTER (shakes head): I ain't gots no gold! All I gots is me 2 x 4! TUNGSTUN (sternly): Then I demand, sir, that you let me have it! GILA MONSTER (evil grin): Alright with me, Little John! The Gila Monster wallops Tungstun on the head with his 2 x 4 and runs down the hallway. He's suddenly tripped and slams into a wall. When he opens his eyes, he sees Eve standing over him, dressed in a 'Sailor Moon' costume. EVE (points): So, evil doer, you thought you could escape justice! I am Sailor Eve, and in the name of the moon, I will punish you! GILA MONSTER (staggers to stand up): Y'all's lost your minds! I'm gittin out of here! Eve uses her super speed and is now standing in front of him. EVE (points): Your days of high crimes have come to an end, you nega-verse creature! Before the Gila can react, Alf is walking down the hallway, speaking with a thick Romanian accent. ALF (shouts): Ok girls! Ve must be in top shape to win dee Olympic Gold in Athens! Follow me to dee gym! GILA MONSTER (confused): Alf? What's goin' on? How come you is talkin' so funny? ALF (turns to Gila): My name is not Alf, it's Bella Karoli, coach of Team USA! Excuse me please, there is much work to be done! (shouts): C'mon, ve are burning daylight! Eve and the Gila Monster stand dumbfounded as Emaryldwyn, Claire, Fawn, Dotty and Divinia Gere walk in front of them, all five of them wearing USA leotards. ALF (points at Divinia Gere): Dere is my star pupil! She vill be another Mary Lou Retton! She moves like a cat on the balance beam... GILA MONSTER (sarcasticly): Maybe that's because Divinia IS a tiger, bud? ALF (smiles): American humor! Please excuse me, I must train my pupils! As Eve watches Alf leave, the Gila Monster uses this opportunity to escape down a flight of stairs. GILA MONSTER (shakes head): Them gooberoos are nuts! I gotta find the Master! As the Gila walks out of the stairwell, someone taps him on the shoulder. It's Striker, who is dressed in a white 'cricket' uniform and holding a cricket bat in his hands. STRIKER (smiles): Pardon me, sir, but could you direct me to the cricket field? GILA MONSTER (points): Yous go up them stairs, make a right turn at caterpillar hill and then a left at butterfly crossing! You can't miss it! STRIKER (nods): Thank you, sir! As Striker heads for the stairs, the Gila runs into the motor pool, only to slip and fall on the now ice covered surface. GILA MONSTER (shocked): What bunch of dingledorfs turned this here into a skating rink? Soon, two figures rush by the confused reptile, it's Otto and Samantha Maddog. Otto is dressed in a black tuxedo and Samantha is in a light blue skating dress. OTTO (as they skate): We must perfect our routine, my dear, to make the Olympic team! SAMANTHA (as they skate): That's right, Mr Otto, sir! Once more, they skate past the startled Gila Monster, who nearly collides with Star, who is now dressed like a Gundum Wing character. STAR (sternly): Out of my way, creature! I must find my Gundum and fulfill my mission! GILA MONSTER (confused): I ain't gots no idea what you is talkin' about, Star! Star ignores him and resumes the search for her Gundum. GILA MONSTER (takes radio out of his pocket): There's only one person I can thinks of who can fix this mess! The scene switches to the Yellowstone National Forest where Dylan, Rising Moon, Catman (in his human form) and Starlight (in her equine-sapien form) are hiking. RISING MOON (walking behind Dylan): Dylan, this was a great idea! CATMAN (nods): I agree! This forest is very scenic! STARLIGHT (nods): I concur, Catman. We have traveled four point two seven miles on this trail already and I am truly enjoying it! DYLAN (continues to walk): This is a great way to relax, get away from it all STARLIGHT (nods): You are correct, Dylan, and ..(suddenly stops).. Oh dear! CATMAN (looks at her): What's the matter, Starlight? STARLIGHT (sternly): I'm receiving a message from the Gila Monster on the emergency frequency! I'll switch to my internal speakers... GILA MONSTER (on speakers): STARLIGHT!!! YOU GOT TO GIT BACK TO MISSION CONTROL!! EVERYONE's GONE CRAZY!!! STARLIGHT (sternly): Please elaborate.. GILA MONSTER (on speakers): Elaba what? DYLAN (calmly): Gila, this is Dylan. Calm down and tell us what's going on GILA MONSTER (on speakers): Everyone's gone batty! First Princess and the cat sisters become a singing trio, then Robin Hood Toil and his band of outlaws tries to git me, then Sailor Eve says she's going to punish me with the moon or something like that and then... RISING MOON (interrupting): Wait a minute! Did you say, Eve? GILA MONSTER (on speakers): Yep, but she was dressed up like some sorta cartoon character! Then Alf tells me he's a gymnastics coach and is in charge of Team USA! Then there was Otto and Sam ice skating and Star looking for her Gundum and ... CATMAN (confused): Whoa! Gila Monster, are you sure you haven't hit yourself in the head with that 2 x 4 of yours? RISING MOON (laughs): Sounds too strange to me, guys.. STARLIGHT (sternly): Crossreferencing.... searching.... (shocked): Wait! The Gila Monster is speaking the truth! A similar incident of mass insanity occured almost a year ago on the Canius Minor. It was caused by the accidental exposure of the crew to a 'formula' Daisy meant to make as a love potion. DYLAN (nods): I remember reading about that! That was so funny! RISING MOON (doubtful): Wait, you said the Space Rovers had this... this love potion. How could it now be loose at Mission Control? STARLIGHT (sternly): Processing.... (nods): Professor Hubert kept a small test tube of his daughter's formula for study purposes. CATMAN (nods): So, that's how it happaned, the question is, what do we do next? GILA MONSTER (on speakers): Yous guys git yourselves over here and help me! RISING MOON (nods): He's right, we have to take action! DYLAN (nods): Starlight, how will the gas effect us? STARLIGHT (sternly); Processing.... the gas will have no effect on Rising Moon or Catman due to their unique DNA structures. I will also be immune, but you will not, Dylan! CATMAN (smiles): That's ok, I'll put a force field around you when we get back to Mission Control, ok? DYLAN (nods); Works for me! Starlight, does Professor Hubert also have the antidote? STARLIGHT (nods): Affirmitive, it is catalogued in his chemical locker. GILA MONSTER (on speakers): HURRY UP!!! (a sound is heard): YYEEEOOWWW!!! Some gooberoo shot me in the butt with an arrow! (furious): Time for them to meet my friend Mr 2 x 4! DYLAN (sternly): Don't do it, Gila, remember, they are under the influence of the formula, ok? GILA MONSTER (on speakers): Alright, cause you say so... DYLAN (nods): Good! We'll be there shortly. CATMAN (sternly): Time is of the essence, I'll teleport us all to the Professor's lab In an instant, Starlight, Catman, Dylan and Rising Moon are standing in the middle of Professor Hubert's lab. It looks like a hurricane has blown through it. Two humans in labcoats are on one end of the room mixing chemicals. Suddenly seeing the four, the two humans, Roughhouse and Jolt, turn and smile. ROUGHHOUSE (smiles): Greetings, fellow scientists! I am Professor Roughhouse with my calogue Professor Jolt! JOLT (smiles): We need absolute silence, I'm mixing our next experiment! STARLIGHT (sadly): I've scanned the entire lab, the Professor's chemical locker has been vandalized! RISING MOON (upset): Terrific! The antidote could be anywhere! CATMAN (points): Or in that formula Jolt and Roughhouse are mixing! STARLIGHT (sternly): Scanning.... no, that's only ... (shocked) nitroglyceran? DYLAN (shouts): HIT THE DECK!!!! The four duck under a table just as an explosion takes place. RISING MOON (excited): These folks are dangerous! DYLAN (nods): I agree! We have to administer the antidote soon! STARLIGHT (scared): That was too close for comfort! CATMAN (sternly); I teleported Jolt and Roughhouse to their rooms just before the explosion occurred, they are safe and locked in for the moment. RISING MOON (looks at the remains of the lab): I sure hope the antidote wasn't here... STARLIGHT (sadly): But Hubert's personal computer was... now I cannot download the formula from it. DYLAN (sternly): Which leaves us back to square one, finding the bottle with the antidote in it. CATMAN (stands up): There's only one way to find it, let's split up and search.. Before Catman finishes his sentence, Duke McAllen, dressed in a plaid suit with striped tie, takes Catman by the arm and leads him down the hallway. DUKE (bubbly): I can see that you are a family man, Mr Cat, you and the miss's here can use a roomy car, well have I got a DEAL for you! STARLIGHT (shocked): Miss's? CATMAN (tele to the others): Play along, maybe he has the antidote! Now the four are standing in front of a curtain. DUKE (bubbly): Behold! The wonder car of tommorrow! Roomy enough for the entire family! Duke pulls the curtain down to reveal a red Street Rover with a bikini-clad model standing beside it. CATMAN (shocked): COLLEEN?? DYLAN (shocked): COLLEEN? RISING MOON (big grin): COLLEEN!! COLLEEN (sarcastic): That's me name gents, don't wear it out! DUKE (points): This baby has anti lock brakes, tinted windshield, CD player, even a sunroof! And with only 60,000 miles on it, it's a steal of a deal at $23,000. That price doesn't include tax, ttitle or license. STARLIGHT (sadly): The formula is not in this room... guys? (waves hand in front of faces): GUYS!!!!! CATMAN (smiles): Nice car... DYLAN (smiles): What car?? RISING MOON (smiles): Yeah! STARLIGHT (shakes head): A very effective advertising ploy.... (shouts): GUYS!!! We have to cure these people, remember? CATMAN (nods): You're right, Starlight! C'mon Dylan, Rising Moon... (points): I see a light over there in the briefing room! Maybe it's the Master! When the four arrive in the breifing room, they are shocked to see a boxing ring has been built on it. Hunter stands in the middle of the ring dressed like a referee. HUNTER (points): In this corner, we have the heavyweight champion of the world! The orange wonder with the thunder punch... Wolve! Wolve slides his boxing robe off and poses for the 'audience'. HUNTER (points): And in this corner, the challenger! The tooschie biter from Duseldorf, it's Battlin' Blitz! Blitz slides his robe off and poses for the fans. BLITZ (poses): Look at me, I am dee perfect fighter! Vatch me vin dee title! DYLAN (shocked): Blitz must be insane! He's no match for Wolve! RISING MOON (smiles): And the bad news is... DYLAN (smiles): Good point! Let's watch! As the bell rings, Wolve's first punch connects with Blitz's jaw. The doberman flies out of the ring and lands in a nearby dumpster. WOLVE (upset): That wasn't even a challenge! (furious): I WANT A WORTHY OPPONENT!!! HUNTER (shakes head): Er... don't look at me, pal! I'm the ref, not a boxer... WOLVE (points glove at the group): How about one of you? STARLIGHT (shouts): We don't have time for this, guys! Let's go! Before they can exit, Wolve runs in front of them and blocks their path. WOLVE (angry): I want a fight! You, Catman, I'll turn you inside out! Dylan? You're no match for me! How about you, Rising Moon? You look strong! (turns to Starlight): Don't try and talk them out of it, horse face! (big smile) How'd you like to be my ring girl? Bet you'd look good in a bikini! STARLIGHT (nervous): Er.. no thanks... WOLVE (puts hand on her shoulder): Out of my way then! STARLIGHT (angry): Oh no you don't! Starlight levels the mighty Wolve with one bionic punch. STARLIGHT (shocked); Oh dear... I didn't mean to... CATMAN (sternly); No time, we have to find the antidote! Catman, Dylan, Rising Moon and Starlight rush down the hallway, passing Exile, who is dressed in a Russian Army uniform and singing opera. They pass by Shag who is pretending to be a TV chef in the kitchen. They finally find the Gila Monster, who is in the same room with the Master and Jack McCain. JACK (smiles): Professor Shepard, I'm telling you this elixer will cure all your ills, solve all your problems and even grow hair on your chest! GILA MONSTER (relieved): I is so glad y'all's here! (points): This bozo is trying to peddle this... STARLIGHT (points): Look! In Jack's suitcase! The Professor's chemicals! JACK (angry): Back off, lady, I'm workin' this side of the street! CATMAN (grabs his suitcase): I'll have a look at that! JACK (upset, grabs the handle): HEY! GET YOUR MITTS OFF, PUMA! As Catman and Jack begin a 'tug of war' with the suitcase, it suddenly bursts open. Starlight uses her super speed to catch every single glass bottle and placing them safely on the floor. JACK (angry): Look at what you did, kitty! You busted my briefcase! How can a door-to-door salesman make a living with people like you attacking them all the time! You'll hear from my lawyer! Jack grabs up all the glass bottles and rushes out the door. RISING MOON (upset): HEY! HE'S GETTING AWAY! CATMAN (smiles); Let him go, we have what we need, right Starlight? STARLIGHT (taking bottle out of her pocket): That's right! This is the cure! DYLAN (sternly): The ventilation system! That's the fastest way to introduce the cure to everyone! Suddenly, the room begins to fill up with angry Road Rovers. WOLVE (points): Hey horseface! I'll meet you in the ring! STAR (points): You there! What have you done with my Gundum?? EVE (points): There's the evil doers! Sailor Eve will punish you! PRINCESS (angry): We need a new place to practice! DUKE (points): No one walks out on a Duke McAllen deal! TOIL (points): Forsuth! There the varlents be! ALF (points): I vant to book a flight for my team! Soon, nearly every Rover has crowded into the breifing room, getting angrier by the second. STARLIGHT (shouts); Gila Monster! Bust this when I toss it in the air! Starlight throws the bottle with the antidote up, the Gila smashes it with his 2 x 4, creating a huge cloud which soon covers the entire room. RISING MOON (sternly); I hope this works, guys! As the cloud lifts, the affected Rovers are now all confused. COLLEEN (looks at herself): What am I doin' in a bloomin' bikini? COBBER (still holding net); What the devil am I doin' with this? EMARYLDWYN (looks around); Team USA? FAWN (looks at herself): Me? A gymnist? DUKE (looks at himself): Gawd what an aweful looking suit! I look like a used car salesman! FOXY (looks at herself): Is this a costume party? EVE (looks up at Rising Moon): Rising Moon! What's going on? RISING MOON (smiles, takes Eve's hand): This will take a long time to explain... The scene now switches to the briefing room, several hours later. The Master sits in his chair and looks out at Catman, Felicia, Katrina, Professor Hubert, Dylan and Starlight. MASTER (angry): Felicia! Katrina! You two disappoint me! This video cam tape reveals that it is you two who busted open Daisy's love potion! PROFESSOR HUBERT (angry): My lab is a total mess because of you two! FELICIA & KATRINA (together): We're sorry, Master.. CATMAN (upset): So, you two was going to use it on ME, RIGHT? Felicia & Katrina hang their heads, crying. MASTER (looks up): Dylan, how bad is the damage? DYLAN (holding clipboard): The Professor's lab's been totaled, some of the rooms will need to be rebuilt. No injures to report, other than Tungstun, Wolve and Blitz. STARLIGHT (smiles); It's odd. Overall, I believe all of the Rovers here at mission control enjoyed acting out their fantiasies! DYLAN (nods): Just like what happaned aboard the Canius Minor! MASTER (nods): This is true, Dylan. (turns to Katrina & Felicia): Katrina, Felicia, if you two will repair all of the damanges and .... PROFESSOR HUBERT (upset); And stay out of my lab! MASTER (nods): Yes.... then we'll forget all about this. FELICIA & KATRINA (nods): Yes sir, Master... MASTER (nods): Good! I hope you two have learned your lesson, dismissed! Katrina and Felicia rush over to Catman. KATRINA (in tears): Oh Catman... FELICIA (in tears): Can you ever forgive us? At first, Catman stands speechless, then he turns to the two sobbing felines. CATMAN (sternly); What you two did was very dangerous, and very disturbing. Trying to use outside forces to make me fall in love with one of you. Did you know that this is the exact reason WHY Daisy created this formula in the first place? FELICIA (shocked): Really? KATRINA (shocked): I didn't know that! CATMAN (nods): That's right! Professor Hubert's daughter Daisy was trying to lure Rasputin into falling in love with her. She was competing with another female, a Sheba Enu named Orchid, for his affections. She thought if she could create the ultimate love potion that she'd have Rasputin all to herself! FELICIA (nods): I heard that they are together now! KATRINA (confused): You mean, the love potion worked? CATMAN (shakes head): No no, the formula caused the same confusion to the Space Rovers as it did here today. Eventually, Daisy waited until Rasputin chose her to be his girlfriend. Now do you see? FELICIA (lowers head): Yes... KATRINA (lowers head): We're sorry... Catman gives the girls a big hug. CATMAN (sternly): Please girls, no more love potions or other magic to try and sway me, ok? FELICIA & KATRINA (together): Ok Catman... CATMAN (smiles): Now, if all three of us use our magic together, we can repair all of this mess a lot faster! STARLIGHT (smiles): Looks like things will be back to normal soon... In the hallway, they all hear Blitz saying, "Hello pretty dog girl, vanna go to duh beach?" and then see Blitz flying through the air after Colleen boots him. DYLAN (nods): I agree, Starlight. Things are going back to normal! All of the Rovers howl in unison. ------------------------------------------------------------------